Hear First and Ask Second -- How to Talk to Your Kids about Games

Start with the first, most crucial aspect of talking to your kids about their games.

1st  You have to LISTEN.

Much, much harder than it sounds.

I am so accustomed to answering questions, giving direction, being in the driver's seat, that when my kids start to tell me about their world (their games) I sometimes have to boot myself to the backseat and let them drive the conversation.

In that moment before you respond to your child, if you're not sure you heard them accurately or not sure what they need to hear in return, then just reflect back what they originally said.

Jake: "When you... and ..."

Me: "So, when you... and..."

It's step one of any relationship. Verifying the other person heard you correctly is the first step. Always. In delicate teen-parent relationships it's important to establish and re-establish that trust nearly every day.

But by the end of the day I'm so tired and on such brain overload that I often mis-hear my kids at best, hear them incorrectly at worst, and can't hear them at all on the really bad nights.

If you also have a hard time understanding them or holding on to your train of thought when your kid is speaking another language, just remember these benefits:

1. All that really matters is that you try.

2. Your kid may develop empathy for your inability to remember and next time he's sad that he didn't do well on a test, he'll subconsciously remember how you role modeled How to Handle It When You Don't Remember.

3. Game speak is a foreign language you must hear the new words again and again and again in order to achieve fluency.

4. Even if you flop big time and misunderstand most of what they say, they will still feel your love. That love is permanent and will echo throughout everything they do for the rest of their lives.

If you love your kid and your kid loves games, 

learn about what your kid loves in order to better love your kid.

Why the disconnect? Why understanding your kids' games is crucial for so many reasons

When your sweet boy or girl hits 16 years old, or 13, or 10, or 7, or maybe even 5, they might start playing games that you don't fully understand. They'll talk about "PvP" and "Lag time" and you will probably wonder what's what. Being out of sync with your kids' games is one thing -- being clueless to the point of disconnection is another.

You may hear words like "torrenting" and think, "Oh crumb, I've heard that word in news stories about people downloading stuff they shouldn't download... Uh no, what now?" If you're like me (and probably most parents) you'll probably ignore it because honestly you simply don't have time to ramp up on all the knowledge that's needed to keep up to speed with your kids' games. But in the back of your mind you'll have the nagging worry, "I'm pretty sure torrenting is illegal but... what is it?"

So, you don't have time, but it's still a Can't Miss bit of knowledge you need to have tucked under your belt. When you first sent your kid to school,  you looked into the school until you're sure it's the right place for your kid.

Cathy and Jake

When your kids spends hours with his games, talking about games with friends, you look into the games until... it becomes incomprehensible babble.

Why do you have to push past this babble barrier despite lack of time / lack of knowledge?

1. Because bad things can happen if you don't know what your kids are up to. Ex: a few months ago we received a letter from our internet service company saying, "We will take away your cable service and never give you online access ever again since you torrented... babble... babble... Don't do it again or threat... threat.. threat." Ack. One of our kids torrented something? What the heck is torrenting? See an upcoming post for info on that.

2. Because games can become a big part of their lives and when you don't attempt to understand what their lives are like, it's far too easy to slide down the slippery slope of "You don't understand me!" because in fact, you don't.

3. Most games are actually good for a person's brain. You don't need to pay Luminosity to exercise your mind when there are plenty of games your kids actually want to play that are more socially fun for your kids and their friends. More in upcoming posts on the games that pack the biggest good-for-brain punch.

I take long walks with my son, Jake, who will walk very long distances if he can talk about his games while doing it. He is a superb teacher. I started this blog one day when Jake said, "Mom, this is going out your other ear, isn't it."

So, I'm recording what he's said, fact checking as best I can before posting. I hope this is of use to other Moms and Dads out there trying to understand their kids' games.